I woke up this morning at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Lunar new year is right around the corner, and it is by far the biggest holiday on the mainland. Lots of people will be forced to take the train back to their hometowns to see their family. However, Chinese children are a handful and can make this journey downright unbearable.
Trust me. Moms and dads in this neck of the woods aren’t big on discipline, and they frequently let their kids run around like maniacs. The problem is the 4-2-1 equation. Because of the previous one-child policy, these unruly rug-rats have four grandparents and two parents who dote on them constantly. Not surprisingly, this is a nation filled with spoiled little kings and queens. But things could always be worse. For instance, teaching in China is a hell of a lot easier than teaching in America. At least my current students aren’t stealing my stuff to pay for a drug habit.
I stepped into my spacious shower. The hot water felt great as it slammed against my flabby body, and a woman named Erica Bella popped into my mind. Erica’s an Italian porn star with jet-black hair and a nice set of tits. She's also a three-hole gal who is pretty much up for anything. So what’s not to love? I jerked off using plenty of shampoo and conditioner for maximum comfort. I shot my load in less than five minutes. I really had a wonderful time.
I dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels and walked downstairs. Then I called my mother using WeChat.
She said, “Something is wrong with my television. I can’t get the goddamn channels to change. I’m stuck on Fox Business.”
I said, “If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Eventually, stress will be the death of us both.”
“They’ve been running a lot of stories about Venezuela. They say that the country is about to collapse. Some estimate that eight million refugees might try to move north.”
“I’m with Trump on a lot of issues. I believe in the wall, and I think it’s high time we started rounding up and deporting the illegals. Plus Trump’s vision of a low corporate tax rate is a good idea. But I’m in favor of socialized medicine, and I’d like to see the ultra-rich get taxed at a seventy-percent clip.”
“Where are we gonna get the money for all of this free healthcare?”
“We have troops in over 150 countries. Maybe we should resign as the world’s policeman and start thinking about building up our middle class.”
“That’s a dangerous idea. If we stop being the global cop, then who will pick up the slack and keep all the dickheads in line?”
“Let’s give the job to the Canadians. Those assholes have had it too good for too long. Besides, all they do is hang out in their igloos and smoke weed. Those bastards could use a purpose.”
Later in the day, the Dragon Lady informed me that she was taking Rice-Boy Larry on a shopping spree.
She said, “Rarry want da PrayStation Foe, so I buy today. It his Chlistmas plesent.”
“The PlayStation Four is an expensive gift, and Christmas has come and gone.”
“You alway count da penny.”
“I’m not being cheap. Buy it. But beware. I don’t know anything about video games. For instance, when does the PlayStation Five come out? Will it make the PlayStation Four obsolete? I find technology all rather confusing.”
Larry said, “Come on, Dad. I really want this.”
“Sure. I’m not a cheapskate. Go get it. You know more about this shit than I do.”
After they left, I watched a film called Reds. It stars Warren Beatty and Diane Keaton as a couple of American Bolsheviks who travel to the Soviet Union in 1917 to help with the revolution. The movie was very good, but it left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Why is Hollywood so infatuated with communism? I just don’t get it.
Larry arrived home at eight p.m. He held a brand-new PlayStation Four in his little hands, and he was beaming with happiness.
“Let me show you the games I bought.”
“OK. Let me see them.”
“I have Call of Duty and Spiderman.”
“Wow, that’s wonderful.”
They spent 500 dollars for the entire package. But I guess one must splurge from time to time. There’s no point in being a scrooge.