Friday, January 18, 2019

Horny Old Linda


 
 
Chapter 58

          Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A thirty-four-year-old Canadian named Robert Schellenberg made a bad decision. He thought it was a good idea to smuggle lots of crystal meth into China. He was soon apprehended by the powers that be and given a fifteen-year prison sentence.

          Unfortunately, President Xi is now miffed at Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. So Robert promptly received another trial for the very same crime, and this time he was sentenced to death. Will Big Brother extinguish Robert’s life like a cigarette, or will he be allowed to serve out his jail sentence? This is China. Therefore, the final outcome is anybody’s guess.

          I stepped into my spacious shower, and I had this disgusting fantasy about horny Old Linda. We were sitting alone in my room at the ghetto, and she suddenly hiked up her dress and started rubbing her twat. Her pubes were gray, and her pussy was wrinkled. But that didn’t stop me from whipping out my prick and playing with myself. I used a lot shampoo and conditioner to enhance my daydream. After much dirty talk, I finally shot my load on her face. My orgasm was quite explosive. I really had a good time.

          I dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels. Then I walked downstairs and ate a bowl of oatmeal with Rice-Boy Larry. There was a layer of crunchy granola on top. It tasted great.

          I said, “Do you have any tests today?”

          He said, “Chinese.”

          “Did you study?”

          “Not much. The other expat kids are a bunch of dullards, so it’s pretty easy to get an A.”

          “You shouldn’t use a word like dullard. It’s not nice.”

          “Can I call them retards instead?”

          I smiled. I like my son’s sense of humor.

          I got to school at 7:30 a.m. We had a morning meeting. One of my bosses made quite a few announcements, but I can’t recall a fucking thing he said. I have a ton of supervisors. In fact, I have so many that I have a difficult time remembering their names. Maybe I’m suffering from Alzheimer’s. Oh well. What’s a boy to do?

          I spoke to Ken the Chicken Man on WeChat.

          He said, “The internet sucks at Granny’s house. So I called the cable guy to speed things up.”

          “Is that going to cost more money?”

          “No. The problem is on their end.”

          “Just don’t break the old lady’s balls.”

          “Granny doesn’t have balls. She’s actually a woman.”

          “Stop being a wise ass. You know what I mean.”

          I chatted briefly with my mother. “Don’t let him break your balls. He’s crazy with that technology shit. He’s addicted.”

          “Ken’s no bother. In fact, he’s a pleasure to be around.”

          “How’s his life at Chick-Fil-A?”

          “They love him over there. He’s the most popular worker.”

          “That’s nice.”

          “What’s your crazy wife been up to?”

          “Well, she’s still nuts. She has a huge problem with rage. One day, I fear that she’ll slit my throat as a I sleep.”

          “What did you ever do to the woman?”

          “Nothing. It’s brain chemistry. She needs a doctor, but she refuses to go.”

          “Be careful.”

          “I will.”

          Later that day, I graded several final exams. School is almost over, and it will soon be time for New Year’s break. I get a month off work. I plan to spend the time relaxing in my home.

          I got back to my humble abode at five p.m. and watched a movie called Paranormal Activity. The film is about a lovesick demon who wants to fuck a girl with big tits. Sadly, he can’t screw her because he has no actual physical shape. So he kills her boyfriend instead. The end.

          I went to bed at 10 p.m. I slept like the dead.

2 comments:

  1. I graded several final exams --> I grated several final exams

    pursuant to the chicken man, the book of the gallateans and chapter 1, it goes like:

      of menkind am I popular or of theos
      or seek to make people happy
      for yet menkind I were making hristos happy
      a servant not I'd be

    alot of translations pretty much butcher the greek which is basicly saying how that hristos (peace be on him) is happy when you are poplar with your co-workers

    and if you think about it, the disciples elegted hristos to be their chairman of the board or student counsel president or whatever you want to call it, which is a signal of popularity

    also hristos was popular with martha and mary, let chicken man know that this is an important lesson for life as well

    linda maybe also understood the importance of popularity which helps make this episode a beaiutiful lesson unto our hearts amen

    blessings upon the utmost

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