Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Nearly two decades ago, a Chinese serial killer slaughtered eleven females without being detected. His mutilation of the bodies was particularly grisly. For instance, he enjoyed chopping their lady parts to bits after raping them. His youngest victim was only eight years old.
Well, thanks to science, this reprobate recently faced justice. He was given a brief trial and confessed his guilt to a judge. After that, he was promptly killed by the government in less than six months. There were no long, drawn-out appeals as he awaited his fate. I used to go back and forth on the issue of the death penalty, but now I’m right as rain. It’s even approved by God in the Book of Genesis, so who am I to argue?
I stepped into the shower. The hot water felt wonderful as it pounded against my blubber, and my mind turned toward a porn star named Vanessa Del Rio. Vanessa is a three-hole Latina who is pretty much up for everything, and it wasn’t long till I popped a Woodrow. I jerked off using plenty of shampoo and conditioner for maximum comfort. I blew my load in less than five minutes. My orgasm was quite explosive. I really had a good time.
I dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels. Then I walked downstairs to the kitchen and ate a bowl of oatmeal.
Rice-Boy Larry was late once again.
I said, “This is the second day in a row. You’ve got to start getting your shit straight.”
The Dragon Lady said, “He not rate! I see da odda teachas flom da window. Dey reave after you.”
“My co-workers walk faster than me.”
“That because you too fat to move.”
“That’s right. I’m too fat to move. But you’re too fucking stupid to get a job. So I guess that makes us even.”
I felt guilty after saying this. I hate getting caught up in all the name-calling bullshit. However, the woman does nothing but insult me twenty-four hours a day. After a while, it can wear a guy down. Sometimes, I feel the urge to strike back. I’m only human.
I got to school at 7:30 a.m. and called my mother using WeChat.
She said, “I’m having dental problems.”
“One of my teeth underneath a cap broke into several little pieces. So now I’m supposed to see an oral surgeon. He’s going to charge me five grand for an operation to set things right.”
“If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll probably look for a better deal. That’s too much goddamn money.”
Later in the day, I taught the students about Patrick Henry. He’s the guy who famously said, “Give me liberty, or give me death.” But the kids seemed completely unimpressed with Henry’s statement. Living under the fist of an ethno-fascist regime doesn’t seem to bother most Chinese citizens. They continue to love their country and respect their president. And why the fuck should I even care? Bully for them.