Monday, December 3, 2018

Eating Rabbit


 
 
Chapter 43

          Yesterday, I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A Chinese man borrowed a crossbow from one of his friends. He used the weapon to go hunting. His quarry? Stray dogs. He managed to bag three mutts before the police arrived. It turns out that killing canines with an arrow is against the law on the mainland. He spent a couple of days in jail for his crime. However, like many people in China, the perpetrator loves the taste of dog meat. He plans to eat man’s best friend until the day he dies.

          Later that morning, we caught a taxi to my wife’s clinic. She had to meet her doctor yet again in order to check her bloodwork. Grave’s Disease is one of those illnesses which requires a lot of trips to the hospital for periodic checkups. The Dragon Lady no longer has a thyroid, so she’ll be on medication for the rest of her life.  

          It turns out that her levels are fine. The medicine is really doing the trick. However, her physician believes that she needs more vitamin D. We are scheduled to return at the end of January.

          I stepped outside. The weather felt great. Things are pretty chilly here in Beijing. I like the cold. My fat keeps me nice and insulated. Plus my balls seldom itch when the temperature is frigid.

          Rice-Boy Larry said, “I want to buy Pop Tarts. Let’s go to the foreign mart.”

          I said, “That actually sounds like a good plan. I wouldn’t mind purchasing some cans of chili.”

          Well, the store only had chili with beans. And I prefer my chili without beans. So I bought a big Cadbury’s bar instead. It came with nuts and raisins blended into the chocolate. I devoured the snack in less than five minutes.

          Then we walked to a grocery store called Carrefour. I found a whole roasted rabbit resting in the deli. I decided to buy the golden-brown beast. It cost me fifteen dollars. But it should keep me fed for the next three to four days. Rabbit is very delicious. It tastes much better than chicken.

          I turned to the Dragon Lady. “That clinic has a psychiatrist who speaks English.”

          “So?”

          “Why not give him a try. I’ve seen his picture. He’s actually quite handsome. Maybe you can make a boyfriend.”

          “You da fucken idiot.”

          “Do you like being a slave to your moods?”

          “Shut da fuck up.”

          “He probably has medicine that will help. Why suffer if you don’t have to?”

          I truly believe that my wife is afflicted with a severe mental illness called borderline personality disorder. This disease primarily affects women. These crazy bitches are tormented by episodes of deep depression and psychotic rage. Luckily, modern science is the stuff of miracles. I have no doubt that a good psychiatrist would set her ship in the right direction. But the loony twat won’t listen to me.

          At 2 p.m., we stopped at a Brazilian barbecue restaurant. I ate a ton of succulent beef. I really made a pig of myself.

          The heavyweight championship fight between Tyson Fury and Deontay Wilder was on the television. I thought that Fury won easily. His head movement and stinging jab reminded me of the late-great Mohammed Ali. Yet the judges declared the match a draw. Basically, the fix was in. Boxing is a crooked sport. That’s why nobody watches it anymore.

          We got home at 4 p.m. I sat on my sofa and enjoyed the UFC. Lots of blood was spilled. I really had a good time.

7 comments:

  1. so many correcting to make.

    where of begin?

    one paragraph enough today.

    Yesterday, I wake up 8 a.m. in morning and drink cup of instant coffee. Then I reading news on smart phone while taking nasty [redact]. Chinaman borrow crossbow from friend. Him use weopan for go hunting. Him quarry? Stray dog. Him manage bagging three (3) mutt before police arriving. As turn out, kill canine with arrow is against law on main land. Him spent couple day to jail for him criminal. However, like many Chinapeople, perpetrator love tasting of dog. Him planning eat man-best-friend up til day him dying.

    Hope this help.

    Keep the bloggings!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "a lot of trips to the hospital for periodical checkups."
    that one is ok. better than "periodic check-ups".

    but the rest needs fixing

    Later upon the morn, well after dawn, we hailed us a taxi to go a-traveling unto my wife’s clinical. It was incumbent upon her to make the acquaintance of her doctor yet again in order that she go ahead and check on her blood work. The Grave’s Disease is one of them illnesses what require lots o' trips to the healthcare center for the periodical checkups. <-- [note: that one is o.k.] The Dragon Lady no longer has the thyroid onboard, so she’ll be on the medicaments for the rest of her natural life, peace be on her.

    and also Mohammed Ali --> Muhammad Ali, peace be upon him.

    and also also I really had a good time --> I really had me a good time

    or you even could french it up like: I really had me some of that good-ass time.

    or give it the double dutch all the way: I really go'd ahead and had me somma that rootin tootin hickry-smoke knuckle-scrapin-cross-the-floor kinda time.

    cheers upon the highest

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  3. Mr. Buffalo; i must thank you for providing your book to the public. Your writing has a soothing, narcotic quality, and it is cheaper than heroin or fentanyl.
    Btw, do you recall the luscious asian porn star from the 70s Linda wong? She would make an excellent housekeeper

    ReplyDelete
  4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad_Ali

    check spelling

    Mohammed Ali -> "Cassius Clay" or else maybe "Muhammad Ali"

    some people spell it mahmoud. as in: my buddy mahmoud checked his watch and then proceeded to unroll his rug in front of my desk at work. he knelt on it and closed his eyes. I'm like, hey mahmoud, you don't have to do that. we're co-workers. it isn't like I'm your boss. but mahmoud ignored me and continued his quiet ritual. then he rolled up his carpet and went back to his desk. plus, he wore eye shadow. or else it was spelt mahmud. wikipaedeia says it is different from muhammad because it means H-M-D
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahmud
    whereas muhammad means H-M-D
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad_(name)
    and that is the meaning of 'praise' if you are an arabic but it means 'take pleasure in' if you are an habiru
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ḥ-M-D
    and that is how we get "Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife" because if moshe (peace be on him) had gotten in touch with his arabic then maybe he would have read it more like "neither shalt thou praise thy neighbour's wife", which could have meant to go ahead and desire her but to be insulting rather than complimentary. that is the mystery of semitic roots
    https://biblehub.com/hebrew/4261.htm

    true fact -- 'semitic' comes from 'shem', the name of noah's son named shem
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semitic_languages#Name_and_identification
    and 'shem' שֵׁם is a word that means "name"
    https://biblehub.com/str/hebrew/8034.htm
    and so noah's son was named 'name' which could have resulted from the effort of pushing him out of the wombe. and noah's wife yelled "there! are you happy now?"

    the 'there' soundeth like "shawm"
    https://biblehub.com/hebrew/8033.htm
    and meanwhile 'name' soundeth like 'shame', and so her handmaiden understood them to mean that his name was 'name' and wrote it on the birth certificate so he could be assigned a social security number.

    by 'handmaiden' was meant 'sex slave' אָמָה
    https://biblehub.com/str/hebrew/519.htm
    or else it means 'middle finger' as a euphemism for 'male genital'
    https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/אמה#Noun
    which is also, in its own way, a sort of a sexslave unto its owner. but trafficking therein is an international criminality excepting for the ruling elites
    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/05/04/jeffrey-epstein-trump-lawsuit-sex-trafficking-237983
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Epstein

    and that is a reminder about how ali married a nine year old
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatimah#Marriage
    "who remained silent and did not reject the proposal like the previous ones. Muhammad took this to be a sign of affirmation and consent"
    and this story demonstrates that different cultures hold various views in terms of the meanings of age descriminations and slaving and buying and selling of family members, amen.
    the attractive daughters fetched a higher price, like how in the book of Genetics and chapter 29 it goes:
    Rachel was shapely and good looking
    and Jacob (peace be on him) loved it, so he told her dad,
    'I'll work for you seven years for the younger gooder-looking one'
    but her dad pulled a trick on the wedding night
    when all was darkness and Jacob was unto drunkenness
    the dad sent the older ugly daughter into Jacob's tent
    and he performed the duty with the 'middle finger'

    "The Ugly Wife Is a Treasure at Home"
    https://www.nebraskapress.unl.edu/potomac/9781612346946/

    cassius clay was named for cassius who was roman
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agrarian_law#Proposed_land_distribution_in_486_BC

    the song of jacob is still sung to this day
    Happiness For Life

    ReplyDelete