Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A woman from the city of Chongqing walked into a kindergarten and started stabbing the students with a knife. Fourteen toddlers were taken to the hospital after suffering injuries, but luckily nobody died. The authorities still have no motive for this baffling crime. Yet I suppose it doesn’t matter. This loon will be given a quick trial and a painless death. And rightly so. Assaulting five-year-old children with a deadly weapon is downright evil. In fact, it doesn’t get much lower than that.
I stepped into my spacious shower. The hot water felt great as it pounded against my flab. I thought about one of my favorite porno stars. Her name is Jada Fire. She’s a black girl with beautiful blow-job lips and a nice big set of tits. Her dark nipples are the size of silver dollars. Talk about delicious. Furthermore, Jada takes it in the ass which is a definite plus in my book. I quickly popped a Woodrow and soon decided to beat my meat. I shot my load in under five minutes. My orgasm was very explosive. I really had a great time.
I stepped out of the shower and dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels. Then I called my mother using WeChat.
I said, “How’s Ken been lately? I haven’t talked to him in a few days. He hasn’t been answering his phone.”
She said, “Well, he’s at a Halloween party tonight. He dressed up in a black cape and a witch’s hat.”
“That’s strange. Rice-Boy Larry recently went to a party. He also dressed up in a black cape and a witch’s hat. What are the odds?”
“I told him he has to be back at ten p.m.”
“I’m sure he’ll comply with curfew. Ken doesn’t break the rules too often.”
“That’s true. He usually listens. Plus Chick-Fil-A cut his hours to ten per week, so he’s very happy about that. He even joined the chess club.”
“He’s loved chess since he was a little kid. It’s his favorite game. I never had the patience for it.”
“How’s your job going?”
“It’s all right. Now that I’m getting older, I’m trying to adjust my attitude. I want to be more fun loving and jovial.”
“How do you mean?”
“Here’s an example. Yesterday, we had government testing for the students. So one of the Chinese teachers tells me not to let anybody in my room before nine a.m. He made it sound very important—like I had to guard the fucking place with my life. He ranted and raved about testing integrity. So this girl comes up and begs me to let her get her materials from her desk. I tell her no. She yells at me. I tell her that she can yell all she wants, but she can’t come in. A moment later, the same Chinese teacher walks by and caves to her demands. He lets her enter the room to retrieve her stuff. I was pissed at first because he made me look stupid. But I’m putting all that bullshit behind me. Pride can make a guy miserable.”
“That’s wise. Go to work and do your best. But don’t let your job consume your life.”
“I agree completely.”
Talking with my mom always makes me feel better. She’s a wise woman.
To that end, my day at work went well. I decided to take my own advice. I let all of life’s troubles slide off my back like water from a duck’s ass. And why not? I’m fifty fucking years old. I might as well enjoy the remainder of the time I have left on Earth.