Yesterday, I woke up at 6:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A twenty-seven-year-old Chinese man showed up at the local police station claiming that his daughters were missing. A search party was formed, but the children weren’t found.
Well, it turns out that the little girls—aged six and four—were murdered by their father. He hid their corpses on a nearby mountain. The authorities grew suspicious after the neighbors said that the man had been acting fishy lately. The suspect eventually told the truth under the pressure of interrogation. He finally led the powers-that-be to their lifeless bodies.
The Chinese government doesn’t fuck around with the crime of capital murder. This ne’er-do-well will be given a speedy trial and a quick death. And rightly so. The world will be a better place without him. I'm no longer a yellow-bellied liberal. Those who shed the blood of their fellow man should be slaughtered like the animals they are. Case closed.
The Dragon Lady made eggs and toast for breakfast. The meal also came with harsh browns and orange juice. The food was delicious. I ate everything, licking the orange egg yolk off my plate with my fat pink tongue.
She said, “When da new bisa come?”
I said “Bisa? What the fuck is a bisa?”
Rice-Boy Larry said, “Don’t be a jerk, Dad. You know she meant visa.”
I turned to her. “I don’t know when it’s coming. The school is working on it now.”
She spoke to Larry. “You fadda da idiot. What does he know?”
I said, “Obviously, not much.”
My wife wishes to spend the summer vacation in Korea. But the last thing I want to do is spend the months of July and August roasting in my mother-in-law’s apartment. I’d rather fly to the peninsula during Chinese New Year.
I walked upstairs in order to avoid an argument and sat on my bed. I no longer sleep on the sofa. I now have a room separate from wife that boasts a big flat-screen TV. The set-up is pretty sweet. In fact, the only time I leave my cocoon is to eat and take a shit.
I talked to the pastor from my previous school over Facebook. He’s currently teaching bible to middle and high school students.
He said, “Things are pretty shitty over here. Everybody’s miserable.”
“You know how this place is. The faculty is overworked.”
“How’s the principal doing?”
“All the Koreans hate his guts.”
“But he’s such a nice guy.”
“That’s the problem. He’s too nice. Plus he’s the wrong color. Koreans hate it when white people tell them what to do.”
I said, “Are you looking forward to vacation?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to get away from that asshole, Dusty.”
Dusty is the school’s other bible teacher. He’s a deist—which means that he doesn’t believe in the risen Christ. And that’s OK with me. I’m not here to tell anyone what to think. But how he got a job in a conservative Christian academy is beyond me.
Furthermore, Dusty—like the good pastor said—is a mean-spirited asshole. He insults those who believe in the biblical account of creation, calling them stupid and uneducated and inbred. His impolite and ungodly behavior simply boggles the mind.
Later in the evening, I watched the UFC. The matches were very violent—just the way I like them. The sight of grown men beating the shit out of each other brings joy to my heart. Perhaps I’m evil asshole, too.
I went to bed at 10 p.m. I slept like the dead.