Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. In central China, a thirteen-year-old boy beat his parents to death with a hammer. Because of his age, he’ll be forced to stand trial. If he had been but a year younger, he could have gotten away with the gory deed scot free. The mainland doesn’t prosecute crimes committed by pre-pubescent children.
I stepped into my spacious shower. The hot water against my flesh felt heavenly, but I was far too ill to masturbate. I’ve been plagued by an awful sickness for approximately the last ten days. My lungs are filled to the brim with green slime, and I keep hacking my guts up. In fact, I’ve coughed so much so that my lower back is aching with a constant dull thudding pain. Luckily, I’m getting better. My healing process is slow but sure.
I dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels. Then I walked downstairs and ate a bowl of oatmeal with granola.
I turned to Rice-Boy Larry. “Try not to be late today. I have a morning meeting.”
He said, “OK, I’ll do my best.”
The Dragon Lady said, “You fadda da fucking idiot. It no ploblem if you rate.”
I said, “Why is my being late not a problem? I already told you. I have a meeting.”
“I not care about you meeting. I hope you get fire. I want everyone to know.”
“To know what?”
“That you da asshoe.”
I felt myself becoming very angry, but I managed to remain calm. I put my arm around Larry’s shoulder.
“Son, if you want to be a fucking loser who can’t get a job, then be late by all means. You can hang out in the apartment with your crazy mother living off my dime for the rest of your life. But, if you actually want to earn a few bucks down the road, then being prompt is pretty goddamn important.”
We arrived at school just in the nick of time. The meeting was nothing more than another inane pep talk, but those who arrive tardy to these get-togethers are often given the stink eye by the powers that be. The bottom line is this: I get paid to perform a job, so I simply do what is expected of me. Getting to work on time doesn’t make me a groveling company man.
The day went well. We’re currently reading an excerpt from the novel Life of Pi. A young man is trapped on a boat with a tiger. The tiger’s name is Richard Parker. I must be honest. I’ve never actually completed the entire book. With that said, the excerpt is very entertaining. Perhaps I should steal the tome from the internet. Why pay money when you can get it for free?
I arrived home at 5 p.m. and watched Tucker Carlson on YouTube. His show was a repeat due to the New Year’s holiday. But many of the dated stories managed to chap my ass, nevertheless. For instance, I still can’t believe that the Obama administration ran surveillance on a duly elected president. I find the very notion extremely creepy.
I went to bed at 9:30 p.m. I slept like the dead.