Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Sunday School

Chapter 50

          Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Sixty policemen raided a children’s bible study in southern China. None of the kiddies were actually arrested, but one of the parents was detained after attempting to snap pictures of the incident. The government on the mainland really hates Jesus Christ. However, one is free to worship at approved churches. Yet beware! Those places are usually filled to the brim with spies looking to make brownie points by ratting on their friends and neighbors. What can I tell you? Fascism sucks.

          I stepped into my spacious shower. The hot water felt wonderful as it pounded against my blubber, and I started thinking about a porn actress named Delotta Brown. Ms. Brown is a black woman with a great ass and a huge set of tits. She doesn’t take it in the back door, but she doesn’t mind receiving the occasional facial. Good for her. It wasn’t long till I popped a Woodrow. I beat my meat using plenty of shampoo and conditioner for maximum comfort. I blew my load in less than five minutes. My orgasm was quite explosive. I really had a wonderful time.

          I dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels, and then I walked downstairs. The Dragon Lady had prepared a bowl of oatmeal with granola. It was resting on the kitchen table. The vittles were delicious. I washed them down with a plastic bottle of water. Sometimes, water is the only drink which truly quenches my thirst.

          I walked to work by my lonesome. Rice-Boy Larry is having trouble with his toe, so he took the day off to see a doctor. I passed the factory employees in their canary-yellow vests. The boys in my neighborhood make the component parts for Apple iPhones. Lots of rich assholes and globalists will tell you that manufacturing is dead and that automation is killing the average worker. Well, don’t fall for the bullshit. Humans are still needed to produce goods. Rich capitalists simply hate paying a decent wage. It cuts into their bottom line. So why hire an American when you can get the Chinese for a fraction of the cost?

          I got to my room at 7:30 a.m. and called my mother using WeChat.

          I said, “The communists closed down another church. Now they’re even cracking down on Sunday schools. They recently pried the bible from the hands of little children.”

          She said, “Well, what do you expect? It’s China. The country isn’t exactly a bastion of freedom.”

          “But children’s Sunday school? C’mon. That’s going a little too far even for these pricks.”

          “Son, wake up and smell the coffee. They execute their prisoners and harvest the organs for money. It doesn’t get much lower than that. And you’re complaining about bibles being confiscated? Get real. In fact, why don’t you just come home?”

          “I can’t do that. I’m here because of God’s will.”

          “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why would God want you to live in China? Does He hate you?”

          “I don’t know His reason. Maybe I’m supposed to be some type of a witness.”

          She sighed deeply. “You are truly daft if you believe that nonsense.”

          Mom is a filthy atheist. Nevertheless, I had a very nice childhood. I always felt loved.

          The rest of the day went well. My students studied vocabulary. I’ve been told that having a good vocabulary is very important. It seems that the more words you know actually correlates into cash. I shit you not.

          I got home at 5 p.m. and watched Monday Night Football. The Saints defeated the Panthers in North Carolina. It looks very likely that New Orleans will have homefield advantage throughout the playoffs. Good for them.


  1. Sending blessings to you and yours this holiday season Buff. Thanks for all the laughs. I have truly enjoyed reading your blog since I came across it a few years ago. My best wishes go out to you any yours, including your crazy loon of a wife.

  2. "worship approved churches" --> "worship and admire approved churches"

    you will know you have fulfilled your witness obligations when you rot in jail like the apossel paul (peace be on him). the book of actions and chapter 26 is where it speaketh unto our hearts, saying:

    Then Agrippa said to Paul, "in such a short time you expect to convince me to become a Hristian?"

    and Paul goes, "I wish to Theo that not only you but everybody listening today would become like I am, excepting for these chains here."

    in those days the officials did not take bibbles from the little children because paul was still busy writing the first one for them to take it away.

    here is the japanese bibble choir of japan with "hodius hristus nastus estus"

    hodius upon the highest

    1. I meant to say...worship at approved churches.

      Thanks for noticing these things. It really helps me out.

      Much Ruv.