Friday, November 9, 2018

Talking to God


 
 
Chapter 31

          Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A Chinese woman became angry and punched a bus driver right in the head. The man wanted revenge, so he drove the vehicle off a bridge and into the Yangtze River. Fifteen people died in the accident.

          I stepped into my spacious shower. The hot water felt great as it pounded against my blubber. I thought about a porn star named Little Oral Annie. Annie has great tits and a nice hairy bush. She’s also an expert sword swallower who takes it in the ass. It wasn’t long before I popped a Woodrow. I proceeded to spank my monkey using plenty of shampoo for maximum comfort. I blew my load in less than five minutes. My orgasm was quite explosive. I really had a good time.

          After that, I had an imaginary conversation with God.

          I said, “I want to quit this writing shit. I’m fifty years old, and I just can’t seem to gain any popularity.”

          God said, “Aren’t your books doing well?”

          “Well, I did manage to sell five copies over the past couple of weeks. But that’s not much in the world of publishing.”

          “This is my advice. Don’t concentrate on making money. And don’t worry about achieving fame. Be good, instead.”

          “Be good?”

          “Yes, be good. What is your genre of choice?”

          “I consider myself a comic writer.”

          “Then what you really want is for your jokes to snap, crackle, and pop. Do they snap, crackle, and pop?”

          “I’m not really sure. But I think so. I have a very small but loyal following.”

          “That’s wonderful. Try your best to deliver a quality product. Everything else should be secondary.”

          I dried off with one of my wife’s tiny towels. Then I walked downstairs and ate breakfast with Rice-Boy Larry. We had oatmeal and granola. The meal was quite good. I’m turning into a regular nature boy.

          I got to work at 7:30 a.m. I called my mother using WeChat.

          She said, “Are you OK? You look like you’re filled with stress.”

          I said, “I just don’t understand the younger generation. They all seem like a bunch of clueless libtards.”

          “Why? What happened.”

          “One of the teachers played a strange game with the children. She had them line up on the basketball courts. After that, she asked some pretty unusual questions.”

          “Such as?”

          “Listen to this. She said, ‘Those of you who have a father at home please take one step forward.’”

          “Wow, that’s disgusting.”

          “It gets worse. She also said, ‘If you've never been so depressed that you've cried yourself to sleep, take one step forward.’”

          “I’m with you. That’s weird.”

          “It was a giant mind fuck. One of the kids even started bawling her eyes out. I guess her parents are divorced.”

          “That teacher sounds like an asshole.”

          “Mom, it’s the entire millennial generation. They're a bunch of pampered virtue-signaling nutjobs. I shit you not. The teacher left us with these words of wisdom: ‘I hope you enjoyed this activity. If you learned nothing from this exercise, then you are ignorant and unfeeling.’”

          “What a twat.”

          “She said this little experiment was all about empathy.”

          “Empathy has nothing to do with it. Trust me. She loves superiority and control. It’s virtue-signaling, just like you said.”

          I got home at 5 p.m. and watched several episodes of Penny Dreadful. I’ve seen the program many times, and it remains one of my favorites. The show never fails to give me the creeps.

          I went to bed at 9 p.m. My dreams were uneasy.

4 comments:

  1. today's 'blog gives unto us an bible study for our edifaction and upbuilding, amen.

    the story of the children stepping forward to self identify theirselves remindeth our hearts of how yaway separates the peoples according to categories. the book of matthias and chapter 25 goes like:

    He will separate the people one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on His right and the goats on His left.

    the bible book doesn't go into detail about whether he just says that, okay, if you are a goat then step forward one giant step. or else it could be the sheep. and it also could work out both ways by saying, okay, if you are sheep then step backward one giant step. and that would basically double the amount of separation between the two groupings because one of them steppeth forward yet the other one it steppeth to the rearward.

    the people that don't self-identify either as sheep or as goats will present a problem under this scheme. maybe you think of yourself as a cattle even though your birth certificate says goat or parrot or what ever.

    but we also are finding that the book of Judgments and chapter 12 telleth our hearts about the empathy game. it goes like:

    the men of Gilead say: "are you an epharaimite?" and he goes like "nay". and then they go like "say the word 'shibboleth'". and then he goes like 'sibboleth', because he can't pronounce the "sh" sound in his mouth regions. and then grabbethed they him and slewethed him. and they processed 42,000 ephraimites in that manner [which is to say by means of killing them for being ephraimites who signaled their identities by means of stepping forward when asked "who here is unable to pronounce the "shhh" sound]

    the story doesn't tell about any of the people who said it like "fibboleth" or who said "I assert my fifth amendment right not to respond to your directive" or who said "I assert my first amendment right to say 'sibboleth' without being deprived of life and liberty absent any due process." and that is strange when you think about it because this is in the book of the Judgments, and so the reader would like to know about the deliberations of the jury in terms of whether the rights of free speech are impairethed when Jephthah executed forty two thousand men for saying the word "sibboleth".

    they maybe should have appealed their conviction to a higher court except that, for one thing they were slaughtered and therefore unable to file the paperwork for the appellate process, and secondly Jephthah was exercising sovereignty in tems of how his judgments were not reviewable, amen and amen.

    there is also the issue (say that out loud and listen to whether you make an "sh" sound) regarding any ephraimites who could pronounce "shibboleth". those would have been the survivors because of how the could say "shibboleth" even though they were ephraimites, which is a lesson unto our hearts amen.

    and so the survivors who said "sh" can probably be found even today in the land of ephraim which is a little bit north of jerusalem on the map of the wikipaedians:
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c2/12_Tribes_of_Israel_Map.svg

    for example there is the protected wilderness ranch ephraim, which we can see it on the map of google:
    https://www.google.com/maps/place/Protected+wilderness+ranch+Ephraim/@31.9441,35.2219363,17z/

    in the satellite images you can find the sheep on the one side and the goats they are on the other side, having stepped forward while the sheep steppethed baaaaaack.

    here are the sheeps and the goats learning to pronounce "shibboleth" so that they can cross over to the other side of the jordan river and prosperity:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmlZv-UA2zg

    peace upon the highest

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