In 2011, I got a job at a Christian school in Pusan, South Korea. My boss’s name was Dr. Pineapple Head. He was a stout Korean man who was wonderful at wrestling. In fact, he was so talented that he came a cunt hair from making it to the Olympics.
Trust me. Wrestling is a tough sport. I used to do it in high school. If you can raise your game to that level, then you’re a complete stud.
Pineapple’s main job was public relations. He’d often travel throughout the peninsula to drum up more and more students for the business. And he was damn good at this task. Our school had so many kids that we actually had to construct a new building.
At that time, our assistant principal was a white guy. His name was Mr. Lipps. Lipps was tall and athletic, and he loved to play frisbee. True to his name, he had a giant set of deep-red lips that were attached to a milk-white face. He looked like a retarded version of Frankenstein’s monster. But appearances can be deceiving. This guy was as sharp as a tack. Our multi-million dollar school ran completely on his elbow grease. You must remember that his boss was constantly on the road finding future customers.
Lipps visited my classroom one day to share some grim news.
“Dr. Pineapple Head knows that you’re a smoker. He doesn’t like teachers who smoke. He thinks that it’s a bad influence on the children.”
“What should I do?”
“Don’t smoke in front of our kids.”
“I never light up in front of the kids.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Did somebody squeal on me?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure if you’re a going to make it at this institution. Pineapple’s a very stubborn man. Once he’s got it out for you, then you’re usually toast. It might be wise to start putting out resumes.”
Well, as luck would have it, the good doctor got fired a month later. And he was replaced by an education professor named Dr. Tooth. Dr. Tooth was a Korean nationalist who was a staunch believer in Korean Christianity. Korean Christianity is a breeze. As long as you don’t smoke cigarettes or suck cock, then you make it to heaven. What could be easier?
Upon Pineapple’s departure, Mr. Lipps tried to resume his role as the de facto principal. But Dr. Tooth was having none of it. She hated the man, and she always did her best to humiliate him in public.
For instance, one time he scolded the middle and high school boys in the chapel. He said that they were noisy rebels who didn’t deserve to play soccer during lunch. So he ordered that the nets be closed for a period of thirty days.
But Dr. Tooth immediately countermanded his order, and the children were allowed to play their favorite sport until they puked from exhaustion. Then, to add insult to injury, she demoted him in front of the staff during a morning meeting. He was now just a regular teacher.
Their relationship continued to deteriorate. In fact, Mr. Lipps came a cunt hair away from getting fired. But he got lucky. Dr. Tooth decided that she enjoyed being a professor more than a principal, and she resigned her position.
Our next master was Dr. Love. Dr. Love loved everybody—including Mr. Lipps. Love was a former physics professor who possessed a huge intellect, and he knew that Lipps was a valuable person. Love made Lipps do all the grunt work while he stayed in his office and cogitated about larger matters.
Dr. Love was eventually replaced by The Tall Man. The Tall Man was a white dude who had also been a professor back in the day. He, too, recognized Lipps’s value. Once again, our former assistant principal was tasked with the thankless job of making the trains run on time.
Lipps is still at that school. And he continues to do the shit work for a couple of extra pennies per month. His official title of assistant principal was never returned to him.
My point? Don’t do a job unless you get the title and the appropriate money. The world is a cruel place. You’ll get fucked in the ass until you crap blood.