Monday, November 19, 2018

A Nice Weekend


 
 
Chapter 35

          On Friday evening, I took my family to a Hong Kong-themed restaurant. We had shrimp rolls, noodles, and fried rice. I also ate deep-fried pigeon. I smothered the bird in salt. Pigeon might sound gross. After all, it’s kind of like feasting on a rat with wings. But the meat is quite delicious. I would even go so far as to call my feathered friends downright yummy. So don’t knock it till you try it.

          The Dragon Lady was hormonal. She turned to Rice-Boy Larry.

          “Rook at you fadda. He always make fun of da Asian people. But he eat rike da pig.”

          I didn’t respond. These days, I try my best to ignore the crazy bitch.

          Rice-Boy Larry said, “Dad, she called you a pig. Didn’t you hear her?”

          “No, I’m getting old. My ears don’t work like they used to.”

          “Maybe he need to call his mommy. You fadda da momma boy. Fucken idiot.”

          I looked at her. “I’m not going to get angry, and I’m not going to fight with you. But I will take a taxi home. Is that what you want?”

          To her credit, the Dragon Lady simmered down. My wife’s always been a fucking nut. And the Grave’s Disease certainly hasn’t helped. Quite the contrary. It pushed her over the edge into the land of lunacy. But her medicine currently keeps her hormone levels in check. She used to break stuff and punch the walls with her fists. Thankfully, she hasn’t done that in ages. Good for her.

          We got home at 9 p.m. I watched the NFL. The Green Bay Packers were defeated by the Seahawks.

          My wife said, “You not sweep in da bed tonight. You sweep on da sofa.”

          I said, “Whatever.”

          On Saturday, we took the subway to Korea Town. Koreans are ubiquitous. That means you can find them everywhere. I enjoy saying ubiquitous. It makes me sound smarter than I am.

          At first, the Dragon Lady didn’t want me to go. And that was fine by me. What I really wanted to do was watch porno and jerk off. But then she changed her mind. What can I tell you? I often go along to get along.

          However, I will say this. Women are a giant pain the ass, and most of them are completely fucking crazy. For instance, I’d never support a female presidential candidate. Nor would I want a split-tail for a boss. Chicks belong in the kitchen, making brownies and giving blowjobs. Furthermore, if anything should ever happen to the Dragon Lady, I won't take a new bride. I’d rather masturbate in a cave than live with another moody demon.

          My wife bought a lot of shit at her favorite store—including kimchi and Korea-style pork. We also went to another restaurant. I had roasted chicken and fried rice. Plus I ate curried shrimp, too.

          I said, “Well, that's the last time I order the shrimp.”

          She said, “You ate dem all. So why you comprain?”

          “They were delicious, but soon I’ll have diarrhea.”

          And I was right. I had to quickly find a bathroom in a nearby shopping mall in order to evacuate my bowels. It was a close call.

          On Sunday, I downloaded the new season of Narcos. The show is another Netflix original. It’s very good. The current episodes focus on a former DEA agent who was actually tortured and killed by a Mexican cartel back in the day.

          Overall, it wasn’t a horrible weekend. Trust me. I’ve had worse.

4 comments:

  1. there has been an up tick in the comments lately and that is a sign that this 'blog is taking off. which is just in time for the holiday book-giving experence in terms of ordering the hardback filthy one for the famlies and freinds to unwrap it under the tree.

    the beast is speaking unto our hearts in this lesson to-day regarding the story of jaycee and the pigeons, amen.

    that one is an story not enfolded into the canon for our edifaction, and yet it talks about how jaysee makethed the clay pigeons to come alife, amen.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infancy_Gospel_of_Thomas#Content

    the filthbeast also remindeth unto our bowel about how come the shrimp is not kosher, because it ruineth the mitsvah of the afterdinner time, in terms of the fins and scales that the shrimp haveth not thereof.

    here is the shrimp song to sing a long with it:

    shrimp song

    mitsvah upon the highest

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  2. You deserve beaucoup props for not giving the dragon lady the back of your hand. Seems your tolerance knows no bounds. You are really wonderful that way.

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