Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A girl in elementary school went home with a black eye. She told her father that she was being bullied by one of the boys in her class. Her father showed up the next day with a knife in his pocket. He cornered the child in the bathroom and stabbed him to death. After that, he sat next to the corpse and smoked a cigarette. The police arrested the man shortly thereafter. He will be given a quick trial and a painless death. It’s more than he deserves.
I stepped into my spacious shower. The hot water felt great as it pounded against my blubber. I thought about one of my favorite porn stars. Her name is Sarah Young, and she takes it in the ass—which is a definite plus in my book. It wasn’t long before I popped a Woodrow. I spanked my monkey using plenty of shampoo and conditioner. I blew my load in five minutes. My orgasm was quite explosive. I really had a good time.
I dried off with one of the Dragon Lady’s tiny towels. We use small towels in my family because my wife claims that they are much easier to wash and dry. Then I walked downstairs and called my mother on WeChat.
I said, “How’s Juan doing?”
“He’s feeling much better.”
“That’s good. So there’s still some life left in his old bones?”
“It looks that way.”
“What are the doctors saying?”
“Not much. They just keep pumping him full of antibiotics.”
“Have you been watching the news about Judge Kavanaugh?”
“Son, it makes me sick. Those crazy bitches are falsely accusing the man of terrible deeds, and he’s completely innocent. I hope they burn in hell.”
“I thought you were a filthy atheist?”
“I am, but maybe I’m changing my stripes.”
“It comes down to Roe versus Wade. These social justice warriors are so worried about abortion rights that they’ll bear false witness to achieve their agenda. The ability to legally kill a fetus is a big fucking deal to the progressive left, and they’ll murder anyone who stands in the way.”
“It’s completely fucking disgusting.”
I said, “How’s Ken doing? I couldn’t reach him on the phone the other day.”
“I never see him. He’s either at work or in his room.”
“Is he healthy?”
“I guess. He certainly eats enough. Chick-Fil-A gives him all the free sandwiches he can handle.”
Later, I had breakfast with Rice-Boy Larry. We munched on oatmeal and granola. The meal was delicious. I washed the vittles down with a bottle of cold water. Sometimes, water is the only drink that can truly quench my thirst.
I talked to an old friend using Facebook. Clay Mathews is a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. Clay’s been hit with a couple of roughing penalties in his first few games. My friend didn’t like the calls, but I’m not sure where I stand on the issue. Lots of American football players are now suffering from Spaghetti Brain Syndrome. The human body simply isn’t meant to take that type of abuse. I truly feel that the sport will be banned from all high schools within the next two decades. Football will go the way of boxing and mixed martial arts. It will only be played by modern-day gladiators.
I walked to work with Rice-Boy Larry.
I said, “Do you still hate school?”
“Kind of. I liked my school in Korea a lot better. Chinese is so hard to learn. I feel like my head is swimming.”
“Don’t give yourself too much stress. If you learn it, fine. But if you don’t, that’s fine, too. You already speak two languages fluently, so it’s no big freaking deal. There’s only so much info that your mind can hold.”
My day went well. The twelfth graders are writing a play, and they will perform the material in front of an audience. It’s about the War of 1812. We’re currently reading an essay focusing on forgotten American wars. Drama helps bring the material to life.
I got home at 5 p.m. and watched Monday Night Football. Tampa lost to Pittsburgh by a field goal. The contest was very good. Both teams have exciting wide receivers. I crashed on the sofa at 9 p.m. I slept like the dead.