Friday, May 18, 2018

Vacation in Korea

Chapter 29

          Yesterday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Tapeworm is still a problem in China. And contracting these parasites can be very unhealthy. In fact, it even affects one’s cognitive abilities. Many Chinese children have been poisoned by these worms in the mountainous regions of the mainland, losing IQ points due to long term exposure.

          In rural China, domestic pigs are frequently allowed to wander free around the village. These animals are often fed lots and lots of human feces. This diet leaves them susceptible to worms. The pigs are then butchered and cooked improperly. Consequently, the parasites find a brand-new host to feed upon. It’s all rather gross and primitive.

         Make no mistake. Despite its technological and economic advancements, China remains a third-world nation.

          I walked downstairs. The Dragon Lady had prepared eggs and toast for breakfast. The meal was on the kitchen table. But she was cooking something foul in the kitchen, so I started coughing and wheezing and gagging. I was a cunt hair away from tossing my cookies. And for good reason. The entire apartment smelled like a giant wet fart.

          She said, “You da fucken idiot.”

          I gagged and wheezed and coughed some more.

          I finally said, “Why am I an idiot? I just can’t take the stench.”

          The odor was so bad that my eyes were watering.

          “You comprain rike girl. You not even da man. You not have deek.”

          "What are you making?"

          "It soup. So what? I not make you eat. It for me."

            "Lord, that's wretched. I feel like I'm trapped inside somebody's asshole."

            I walked silently to the bathroom. I hate fighting. I’m too old for all that nonsense. However, she followed me and blocked the door. I tried to get past her, but she punched me on the arm.

          I said, “Let’s be honest. I don’t love you, and you don’t love me. I’m just here for Larry. If you can find someone else who makes you happy, then do it. I don’t care. Get a boyfriend. I’ll even pay for your first date. But just don’t fucking hit me. Divorce me instead.”

          “No udda woman want ugry man rike you.”

          “And I’m OK with that. The last thing I need is pussy. What I really want in my older years is some peace and quiet. I can no longer handle the drama.”

          “You make da big mistake. I fry home.”

          “That’s fine. Fly home.”

          “And I take Rarry to Kolea.”

          “OK. If he wants to live with you, then who am I to stop him?”

          After she simmered down, I walked to work with my son. I got to my classroom at 7:30 a.m. and called Ken the Atheist using WeChat.

          I said, “How did your interview go?”

          He said, “I got the job. I start on June fourth.”

          “Why the fourth?”

          “I told the manager that I wanted a week to relax after final exams.”

          I shook my head. “In my day, he would have kicked your ass out of the office. They wanted to hire people who sounded eager to work back then.”

          Ken shot me the stink eye. “Well, this isn’t your day. Your day came and went many moons ago.”

          I laughed. My kid has a great sense of humor. “I’m very proud. I can’t wait to see you making those chicken burgers.”

          “I’m looking forward to it.” He changed the topic. “The best thing about working for Chick-Fil-A is that the company hates the homosexuals. The owner is against gay marriage.”

          I cringed. “First of all, we don’t hate anybody. Secondly, what the fuck do you care? You ain’t even religious. Your spiritual hometown is Sodom and Gomorrah.”

          “I don’t hate fags. I just think it’s weird for two guys to bone each other.”

          “Trust me. Keep that to yourself.”

          The day went well, We’re currently reading about the death of Napoleon in the eleventh grade. The material is a huge hit with the students.

          I returned to my luxury pad at 5 p.m. The Dragon Lady took me out for dinner. She never even acknowledged the morning’s argument. I stuffed my face with crawfish and French bread. Everything was going fine until Rice-Boy Larry opened his big fat mouth.

          “I want to go to Korea this summer.”

          I said, “I dunno yet. We have to wait on our new visa.  If push comes to shove, we can visit during the winter vacation.”

          The Dragon Lady started crying. “I not want to go in da winta. It too cold. I want to go in da summa. You fadda da fucken idiot.”

          I got up from the table and left the restaurant. I honestly believe that The Dragon Lady is mentally ill. But I’m not a psychiatrist. With that said, I’m truly sick and tired of listening to her insults.


  1. Get out while the gettin' is good Buff. You dontd want to waste the remaining days you have left on GodsG green Earth with that psychopath. Send her packin' and find yourself that Chinese girlfriend you were fantasizing about not too long ago. She ainta right in the head, and she is not going to change. Follow your mother's advice and move the hell on.


  3. the biable teaches us about starting a job late when other people started it on time

    it is found in the book of Mattias and chapter 20 where it goes:

    God’s kingdom is like a man who owned some land. One morning, the man went out very early to hire some people to work in his vineyard. 2 He agreed to pay the workers one silver coin for working that day. Then he sent them into the vineyard to work.

    [note: nowadays he would pay them with bitcoins or direct deposit or store credit, because they didn't have technologies like that in the olden days of yore]

    3 About nine o’clock the man went to the marketplace and saw some other people standing there. They were doing nothing. 4 So he said to them, ‘If you go and work in my field, I will pay you what your work is worth.’ 5 So they went to work in the vineyard.

    The man went out again about twelve o’clock and again at three o’clock. Both times he hired some others to work in his vineyard. 6 About five o’clock the man went to the marketplace again. He saw some other people standing there. He asked them, ‘Why did you stand here all day doing nothing?’

    7 They said, ‘No one gave us a job.’

    [note: in the olden times of your, a job was something that people gave you and so you just had to stand around in the marketplace and wait for somebody to give the job to you]

    The man said to them, ‘Then you can go and work in my vineyard.’

    8 At the end of the day, the owner of the field said to the boss of all the workers, ‘Call the workers and pay them all. Start by paying the last people I hired. Then pay all of them, ending with the ones I hired first.’

    9 The workers who were hired at five o’clock came to get their pay. Each worker got one silver coin. 10 Then the workers who were hired first came to get their pay. They thought they would be paid more than the others. But each one of them also received one silver coin. 11 When they got their silver coin, they complained to the man who owned the land. 12 They said, ‘Those people were hired last and worked only one hour. But you paid them the same as us. And we worked hard all day in the hot sun.’

    13 But the man who owned the field said to one of them, ‘Friend, I am being fair with you. You agreed to work for one silver coin. Right? 14 So take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same pay I gave you. 15 I can do what I want with my own money.

    [note: this was a mean trick. and the lesson is to wait until the last possible moment to start a job. the next time the man goes looking for workers to start early, he will not find anybody who will accept the job because they will all wait until five oclock. and then the unemployed people in the marketplace will have the last laugh and the man will half to sell his vineyard. ]

    here is China Youth Pop with jazzy jazzy happiness don't work so hard in morning